I Thought the Problem Was My Manager

Early in my career, with no more than five years of experience, I worked in a department where the workload was light and responsibilities were not clearly assigned. Long stretches would pass with little for me to do.

My direct manager was difficult to work with. He was quick-tempered and inflexible, and our relationship was uncomfortable. My limited experience and young age made matters worse, along with a fair amount of stubbornness. I was always convinced that I was right and he was wrong.

A suggestion I resisted

He would complain about me to the HR director, who had previously worked alongside us in the same department. One day, the HR director called me in and suggested moving to another department. He explained that I seemed unhappy in my role and that the problems between my manager and me were continuing.

I refused. “If there are problems, why should I run away from them? We should find ways to solve them!”

I honestly believed what I was saying. Yet I never sat down with my manager to discuss the situation, and he never invited me to talk through his concerns about my work. I held my ground, the disagreements continued, and the situation became exhausting.

Eventually, I moved to the new department. Did I agree to the transfer, or was the decision made for me? I honestly cannot remember! But I found myself working with a wonderful, professional manager, with plenty of work to keep me occupied and opportunities to contribute. The workload was demanding, and I spent long hours enjoying what I was accomplishing.

A word in private

One day, while we were running a training program, my manager called me over. “Come here. I’d like a word in private.”

“Of course,” I said.

“What’s your story?” he asked. “The HR director asked how you were doing. I spoke highly of you and told him, ‘Thank you for Abdulaziz. You’ve given me a gift.’”

Then he told me how the HR director had responded:

“Abdulaziz? Are you sure you’re talking about the same person?”

My manager had assured him that he was talking about me and that he was happy with my work. But he wanted to understand why the HR director had been so surprised.

I was pleased that he valued my work, but it hurt to learn how poorly I had been perceived before. I explained what had happened with my previous manager, the ongoing disagreements, and my refusal to move when the option was first offered.

He listened, then told me that I also bore some responsibility. I could have spoken to my manager or asked someone more experienced to help me handle the situation. Instead, I stayed where I was, rejected the proposed solution, and allowed the problem to grow.

He was frank with me. I began to see that I had helped create the impression that now upset me, and had not given myself enough of a chance to change it.

Reconsidering my position

Looking back, I can see that my limited experience may have affected how I handled the problem. Perhaps I was also afraid of change, of moving somewhere new and failing there. I said I wanted to confront the problem, but I had neither confronted it nor tried to resolve it. I had chosen to hide from it and stay put. I had not stopped to consider what I could do, and I had not asked for help.

You may be in a place that does not suit you, with a manager you find difficult to work with, and still be part of the problem because of how you respond to it.

Recognizing your part does not absolve others of their responsibility, but it helps you see the options available to you.

Moving was one of those options. Having a conversation and addressing the problem was another. I had rejected the transfer, convinced that I was right and that moving would be a mistake, a way of running away. Later, I discovered that it was the right solution for me: a chance to work, contribute, and reconsider my own actions.